


Tell Me a Lie If It's True

by Nanashi Jones (miaoujones)



Category: Vampire Knight
Genre: Complicated Emotions, Death, Love, M/M, Twin Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-04
Updated: 2009-01-04
Packaged: 2017-12-19 05:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miaoujones/pseuds/Nanashi%20Jones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ichiru loves Zero. And Zero...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me a Lie If It's True

**Author's Note:**

> Reinterpretation of and spoilers for Chapters 39 and 40/Season 2, Episode 11, from which some direct actions and lines of dialogue are borrowed.

Even as Zero goes down, their mutual gaze does not break. It doesn't break until Ichiru turns his attention to the hole he has put in Zero with Bloody Rose. He watches the blood leaving Zero's body. Zero looks, if not frail, then vulnerable. Ichiru has always loved it best when his brother is vulnerable and hurting by Ichiru's design. This is different, of course; Ichiru used to be too weak to use anything but words. 

_"Why must we be born as twins?" Ichiru sighs and looks at Zero, honing his next words to a sharpness he knows will pierce his brother's heart. "I want to be born in the same body as Zero. I wonder why I was born—" and just as Ichiru knew he would, Zero wraps him in an embrace. This one has enough force to topple them backwards, Ichiru hitting his head and Zero apologizing, apologizing, apologizing, his words full of that beautiful ache, that pain Ichiru can never get enough of._

It used to be the only thing that could fill the hole in Ichiru's heart: the way Zero would look at him and how Ichiru knew from the agony in that look that Zero was feeling the hole in his own heart. Only when Zero was lost in the fragmentation did Ichiru feel whole.

Now Ichiru looks up from Zero's body to Zero's face, hoping for that expression—but Zero has gone elsewhere, somewhere Ichiru can't go, deep inside himself. Ichiru needs him here. "Don't do that. Look at me." He lifts Zero by the chin, watches the glaze dissipate until Zero is focusing on him again—until Zero sees the blood. 

Ichiru's blood. Yes, Ichiru needs Zero. He tries to explain about Shizuka but, even though Zero is looking at him, Ichiru isn't sure he understands. He tries to explain about that night and Shizuka and Kuran Rido and now; he tries to tell Zero what he wants, what he needs. He needs Zero now. He's always been the one to need Zero. 

"Zero." Ichiru drops the gun and falls into Zero's arms, rests his head on Zero's shoulder, feels Zero's arms come around him. He sighs. They're bleeding out, their blood flowing together and blending uselessly, spilled on the cold, filthy floor. "Although we have become different species, holding you like this still really calms me down." His racing pulse has slowed and he wants to surrender to the peace he's feeling—but he needs to do more. He needs to do it for Shizuka. He needs to do it for himself. He needs to do it for Zero. Because Zero needs him too. Zero needs Ichiru in order to be, if not fully human, then at least fully himself. 

"Consume me."

"No," Zero says. But he doesn't let go.

"Please, Zero." He puts his arms around Zero's neck; Zero has never denied him that. He wonders if Zero's teeth will hurt when they pierce his throat. He hopes they do; he wants Zero to hurt him now, so Zero will finally feel the completion that Ichiru used to. "Please," he says again. "Let me give this to you." _Give this to me._ "Take what belongs to you." _My blood, my breath; I'm yours, Zero. I always have been. Let me be with you forever._ "Ichiru loves Zero." He sighs again. It feels strange but good to say those words again, whether he means them or not. 

But he does mean them. He loves Zero. It isn't hate; it never was. For the longest time he thought that the hate and love he felt for Zero were two parts of the same whole, just like they themselves were, but now he understands it was always only love. It's just that Ichiru was too weak, he was overwhelmed by it; there was so much love it hurt. That's right, isn't it? It must be. He loves his brother; he more than knows it, he feels it with every painful, slowing beat of his heart.

It hurts. He thought he wanted pain but he doesn't anymore. He wants to tell Zero about the hurting because Zero will make it better, Zero will hold him and make it better. He always used to. He always does. Ichiru loves him. "Ichiru loves Zero," he murmurs again. When they were children, Ichiru would press himself close in Zero's arms and let the rhythms of Zero's heart and breath become his lullaby. He presses himself closer now to feel the rise and fall of Zero's chest with each beat of his heart, each breath. 

He feels Zero's breath against his skin and musters his strength to turn his head more in offering. "Soon Zero and I can be as one," he sighs. He slips into a deeper sigh when he feels Zero's mouth on him and then softly into a moan as Zero sinks into him. 

Ichiru shivers as the connection ripples through him. This is different from anything Ichiru has ever felt with anyone, even with Zero when they were children, even with Shizuka when she gave him her blood. This is beyond everything in Ichiru's life; he wonders if this is what it was like in the womb, and thinks it must be deeper even than that. He can't put it into words and there's no one to share words with anyhow, so Ichiru gives himself over to the sensations, concentrating on feeling himself pouring into Zero. 

He gives himself over to Zero and Zero takes him. Zero accepts Ichiru as he never has before; as no one, not even Shizuka, ever has; with each swallow, Zero is accepting Ichiru as only Zero can. Oh, Ichiru loves Zero... and Zero loves Ichiru. He's never been one for words but he's telling Ichiru now with every pull on his vein. It's so strong it's as if Zero means to draw Ichiru's very heart into his mouth to swallow it. Maybe he does. That must be why Ichiru's heart hurt all along, all his life: it wasn't his own heart but a fragment of one broken in two. And now the halves are coming together, pulse by pulse, heartbeat by heartbeat. "I thought I was dead inside your heart." But he wasn't; he isn't; he won't be. 

His hands have fallen to his sides and he lifts one to Zero's shoulder to hold him closer; Zero's arms tighten around him and then Zero's hand is cradling his head, fingers in his hair, petting Ichiru as he consumes him.

_Ichiru has crawled into Zero's bed without disturbing him. He watches until Zero awakens and sleepily, silently opens his arms for Ichiru, who slips closer to enfold himself in the embrace. He settles his head on Zero's shoulder, then turns to kiss his neck. He kisses again, nuzzles and licks and kisses—and Zero pushes him away. He sits up and Ichiru sits up too, wide-eyed, heart beating with uneasy quickness. "Zero?"_

_"Don't do that."_

_"I only wanted to kiss you."_

_"Vampires kiss like that. We don't." Zero lies down again but Ichiru remains sitting up until Zero takes his hand and coaxes him down. "Here." Zero moves closer and Ichiru wraps his arms around his brother again. "Like this," Zero says, and touches his lips to Ichiru's. It's even better than just being in Zero's arms because if Ichiru holds his own breath, he can feel Zero's faintly on his face. He parts his lips because he wants to feel Zero's breath from Zero's mouth, he wants to breathe Zero's breath; Ichiru tries to open Zero's mouth with his tongue, but Zero's lips leave him._

Zero's mouth is fastened to him. It's not a kiss, but there's pleasure and surrender and weightless rush. Ichiru can't see Zero's expression now, not with Zero attached to him like this. He will never see Zero's face again. But that doesn't matter anymore.

_Zero's lips leave his and they look at each other through the darkness. Ichiru leans forward to put his lips against Zero's again, just a touch of closed mouths. He moves back and looks at Zero questioningly. Zero's hand comes up to pet Ichiru's hair, then disappears under the covers again to settle at Ichiru's back. Ichiru smiles and kisses Zero again, and again, and one more time before Zero's hand comes up, this time to push him away gently. "Go to sleep now," he tells Ichiru with a sweet laugh, turning Ichiru on his side and tucking up behind him. It's nice to be in Zero's arms like this but Ichiru wants to face him, so he changes his own breathing, waits for Zero's to change genuinely and when it does, Ichiru turns, slowly, slowly, towards Zero. He doesn't dare kiss him again, even with Zero asleep, so he closes his eyes, close to Zero; so close to lonely even in his brother's arms. Close, close, but not quite..._

It won't be lonely inside Zero. Zero holds him closer when Ichiru starts to slip away. Ichiru can't cling to him the way he used to, but it's all right because Zero has him. Zero doesn't have to worry: Ichiru won't leave Zero again. Zero won't be alone anymore or ever again. With all of his heart, with the very last beat of his heart, Ichiru loves Zero. And Zero...


End file.
